Thursday, March 12, 2009

Why stay-at-home mums don't get respect

The other day I went to see an old friend of mine. I haven't seen her for a few years. The last time we met, her children - she has three girls and a boy - were all mop-haired poppets.
This time, however, she was struggling. Her husband has been made redundant and there were terrible money worries.

At the same time, her children had turned into teenagers. They were, between the three of them, a combination of argumentative, rude, opinionated, surly and, at times, overly obsessed with themselves.

They were also terribly rude to their mother. Before I'd even spoken to the eldest daughter, she'd told me what a sap her mother was.

'My mum doesn't work,' she said, scornfully. 'It would be really good if she did. My friends' mothers work and they earn money, but Mum's never earned a penny. I'm not going to be like her. I'm going to have a career and be interesting.' Read more here.

As a SAHM, I am somewhat caught in between this article. On one hand, I am totally happy and satisfied with being a SAHM as I can give my child the best, be there every step of the way and spend quality time with them, but on the other hand, I agree that it is good for mummies to go out to work as well. For me, maybe later when Jayden gets bigger.

But I totally disagree with the title of the article: Why SAHM don't get respect. I think it doesn't apply to all SAHMs, the kids in the article were just ungrateful!

Would like to know what do you mummies, especially SAHM think after reading this article?

17 friends spoke up!:

little prince's mummy said...

Gosh!~ the kids said their mother like tat? Should let them learn, mum doesn't work because wanna take care of them... Furthermore, SAHM is the toughest and the greatest job of all.. Without leaves, and without even get paid......

Jaanvi said...

The kids were so disrespectful... Even I don't agree with the title... being an SAHM is the most strong decision I have taken in my life..It is not easy to let go of your job, and everyone understands that... The kids have to be taught the value and the importance of every action. Pardon me saying that, they were not brought up in the right sense of the way.

Anney said...

I disagree with the title! Those kids were just really rude. Being a SAHM is not an easy task. Those kids didn't realize that they're mom gave up her career to take care of them and be with them 24/7. There are just some kids who are unrespectful of their parents. I guess sometimes it's the way they're brought up. By the way Kristie I already voted for you. Good luck!

MommyAngel said...

After reading the whole article, I think the author of the article mainly referring to the case of her friend and justified her own decision to be a working-at-home-mom (which would be perfect but unfortunately things doesn’t always worked out so perfectly for most of us). I think the bottom line of it should be “How we want our life to be and what decision will make us happy”, that’s what matter. Although I do feels that (sorry, but I do) the kids in the articles are obviously ‘brought up the very wrong way’ to have insulted the mother that way, (If I were the mother, I will tell them off and said, “If not because of your USELESS mom here, YOU WON’T EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO STAND HERE LET ALONE TELLING ME ALL THAT NONSENSE OF YOURS, thanks you!!)

I don’t think that I wanted to earn the ‘respect’ from my kid although I do hope that they will, and also making it the MAIN reason for me to choose between either being a FTWM or SAHM. I think the most important is ‘do what you really want in life!!’, ‘what makes you happy!!’ either being a working mom or a SAHM, it doesn’t matter!! And also make the best our of it with no regrets. Despite all that, ‘unfortunately’ if things still turned out like the kid of the author’s friend (thinking that I should be working rather and just stay at home and taking care of them), I am just very sorry! I have done my very best and can do nothing more about it! They can tell me that I am useless AFTER they have gone through what I SAHM been through then I will listen!! My own respect for my own decision and for myself is what matters, the rest would have to come next!! We just can’t please everybody and everyone nowadays, not even with our own kid!

2ma said...

personally, i think its not easy to be a SAHM. guess a person can't comment about SAHM unless they are one!! looks easy but not actually..

mommy to chumsy said...

those kids are really ungrateful and rude brats. being an SAHM is really no joke. you are on-call 24/7 and there is no off days too. a lot of hardwork and not glamorous at all but we get to see our kids grow in front of our eyes :D

slavemom said...

I think the article's talking abt SAHM's self esteem. Even if u dun hv a hi flying career, u can still find pride in being a SAHM. The article highlighted that the teenage kids dun appreciate their mother's sacrifices. Coz at that age, they dun need their mother by their side 24/7.
1stly, there's definitely something wrong with the upbringing of the teenager for uttering such hurtful words to the mother.
2ndly, the mother shldn't feel inadequate jes becoz she doesn't hv a career. Who said it's ez to run a household n take care of every family mbr's needs? IMO, it all boils down to the individual's self confidence.
Btw, I'd like to 'interview' u. hehehe

HN said...

That's exactly how I felt when I started to be one two years ago ... Getting disrespect from some friends (mostly single) and relatives(mostly in-laws) has made me feel totally USELESS being a SAHM previously...But not for now, I understand how much I have given in this family and therefore others really have no right to judge anything!

Mummy Gwen said...

The article is very unfair to SAHMs. THose kids are just ungrateful and rude. Agree that it's also how we bring up our kids. If we shower our children with love and instill good values in them, I believe they will love us back. Just do what a mum do which is to nurture their children. :)

Merryn said...

to all SAHMs.. do not bother what ppl think of you, take pride in what you do and when they see that glow in you, nothing can bring you down.. deep down, they are actually envying our position.. we can stay at home and blog ler!!! hahahahaha..

with so many child abuse cases, who do not want to be a SAHM i tell you?

if money is not a matter, many wud opt to stay at home.. who says SAHM cant earn? i do.. i teach tuition.. some ppl do blog reviews.. some ppl do sewing.. we still earn.. it's up to u to want to earn or not..

when ppl ask me.. i m proud to say i m a SAHM!!! dat means.. my hubs is strong enuf to support us! cheh wah.. :P

cadbury said...

I was a working mom, but I found that to become a SAHM more harder.
I have to take care my girl WHOLE day during weekend or holiday & that was much more tired than working day! @_@
So, must salute to those SAHM who working at home 24 x 7 x 365!!!

Hi! I'm Grace said...

Hi Kristie, thank you very much for your word of advice while I was sick. I appreciate it very much. I did not find out yet if I am pregnant. :)
This post is very true to some, but for me, being a full time mother deserves honor.

KaDusMama said...

What is wrong being a SAHM???? It's one noble and toughest job ever, you know..
The daughter deserved to be slapped on her mouth..talking like that about her mom.

Esmeralda said...

Really sad! I don't know what to say!!! Of all the things that they (the children) can complain, why pick the mum as the 'victim'?

Being a SAHM is actually a big sacrifice for mothers as they have (we have also) sacrificed our well-prospect career in the corporate ladder. But why we still chose to be a SAHM? We want what's best for our children-quality time spent with them since the daddies will be really busy working... That's the main purpose of being a SAHM (for me).

Being a SAHM or not should not be judged by the children. Wait till they grow up, and walk-thru this period of being SAHM then they will understand the sacrifices being a SAHM - then they can talk!!!

When deciding to become a SAHM, it all boils down to:
1) whether the daddy alone is able to provide for the family;
2) mummy is happy and willing to sacrifice her career for more quality time spent with the children.

If all the above the answers are "yes" and "yes", I don't think there should be any regrets or unjustified reasons that being a SAHM is totally a way too "old-fashioned-thing" where women stay at home while men work.

All that matters is the degree of appreciation given by the father and the children.

Sarah's Daddy and Mommy said...

I am not good in words, but I know it is not an easy job to become a SAHM. We have sacrifice alot for the job.

Sasha said...

people who have not tried to stay home will always think that SAHMS are useless. Try for few days and I',m sure they will raise the flag and surrender.

Kristie said...

peiwun- totally agree with u, i am speechless with those kids.

jaanvi- exactly! outright disrespectful!

anney- yup being a SAHM is a HUGE sacrifice for mummy. Thanks for the vote btw :)

caroline- wah can sense ur anger in ur comment hahaha.... i was really pissed too when i read that article.. such a wrong perception of SAHMs... i feel like giving the kids 2 tight slaps also...

2ma- yes u wont know until u've been one.

mommy to chumsy- yup that is the only glam part :)

slavemom- yes exactly, u can find pride in basically anything u do, as long as u are enjoying it and putting ur heart and soul into it!

HN- yes, they shouldnt judge SAHM like urself like that... no one can say anything as long as u know u are doing the right thing.

mummygwen- true, we nurture them like we nurture a plant :)

merryn- hahahha i like ur views.. true.. our timings are more flexible and although we are still WORKING, we dont have to be inside a cubicle hhehhe... thanks u just cooled everything down.... :)

cadbury- thanks for the encouragement!

grace- u are most welcome :) yes i think SAHMs are very honourable :)

kadusmama- ya i feel like slapping them too...!

esmeralda- agree with u totally, the most important is dont bother what people say, as long as ur family, which is baby, hubby and urself made the decision and are all happy, stick to it and make the best out of it!

joanne- yes very true, it is such a huge sacrifice for us to give up everything.

sasha- ya man... let them go through trial classes hehehe