Monday, March 16, 2009

Anxiety attack!

Recently, we noticed that Jayden has been crying a lot, so we were desperately trying to find out the cause/reason for this behaviour! Cos trust me, the crying can drive you up the wall!!!!! It did for me, several times... felt so bad after that :(

Then we realised after a few days that it might be Separation Anxiety... it happens to many babies once they get really attached to their caregiver (which is me in my case...). They get really anxious when their caregiver goes away from them even for just a while. Something to do with 'object of permanence', the baby doesn't know that once the object goes away/disappear, he/she might come back again.

Anyway, I 'tested' this on a few occasions to confirm it is separation anxiety...

-while playing with Jayden on the bed, the minute I stand up, he will come towards me and hug me.
-when I am sitting down on the sofa with him beside me, he would climb all over me and lie down on me.
-Even when someone else is carrying him and I am just there, the minute I get up to go somewhere, he will quickly look for me.

Jayden wasn't like this before. Now, he will burst out crying uncontrollably unless I go there and talk to him and sayang him. Most occasions, I will have to carry him and console him, by then he will try not to 'let me go'. He will get really kan cheong (anxious) whenever I leave him now.

So before I leave him to go to the loo, prepare his lunch or do the laundry etc, I will talk to him first and let him know where I go, when I leave, he will cry for a while but then stop after a while but sometimes go on crying until I carry him. Anyway, this will go on for some time and like what my hubby said: 'It's a phase we have to go through, and we will go through this together.'


Jayden is now my Koala Bear and I feel like his tree trunk...

Some info on Separation Anxiety:

At certain stages, most babies or toddlers will show true anxiety and be upset at the prospect — or reality — of being separated from a parent. If you think about separation anxiety in evolutionary terms, it makes sense: A defenseless baby would naturally get upset at being separated from the person who protects and cares for him.

Babies can show signs of separation anxiety as early as 6 or 7 months, but the crisis age for most babies is between 12 to 18 months. Most commonly, separation anxiety strikes when you or your spouse leaves your child to go to work or run an errand. Babies can also experience separation anxiety at night, safely tucked in their cribs with Mom and Dad in the next room.

Info from Babycenter.

Any of your child went through this and how did you deal with it?

35 friends spoke up!:

mommy to chumsy said...

oh i don't remember ashley being like this last time. maybe i have short-term memory...hehehehe. would it help if you continue to talk to him when you move away from him or go another room. at least he can hear your voice eventhough he can't see you :)

Sarah's Daddy and Mommy said...

So sweet that Jayden will lie down on you. How I wish Sarah would be like that now.

Anyway, i think it is a natural development. I am sure Jayden will be ok later. Just bear with him ya.

the little prince said...

I have the same experience when my baby around 6 months ++ till about 12 months old. But this is for day time only, cant leave him at NIGHT (TOTALLY STICKY LIKE HARD GLUE!!) not for more than 30 mins!! :-)

MeRy said...

Kristie, it is always the case when we ownself take care our kid...he will stick to us like super glue. Lastime Ryan also the same...the moment I walk away, he will faster look for me. I can say till nw Ryan still behave the same. Whenever I asked mil help me jaga Ryan awhile wen I was out or do other things, he will keep call ma ma ma ma, then climb upstair to bedroom look for me. I believe it takes time for them to be independent...I hope Ryan wil get independent once he start go Taska next yr.

Qistina's Mama n Abah said...

Kristie, this only happen to me now..as I resign form work and be a SAHM. Tina now is really cling on me. Sometimes it also driving me up to the wall leh..

But trust me..this is the sweet memories that you will miss...keep it as long as you can..

nicole said...

Kristie
Jacelyn was also the same now.
i still remember Jessica also got this sign before... ahhaha
me also come back again become a trunk and she is koala bear
She now more behavior stranger... it happen last sunday, i change my new outfit in black color ( i never wear black at home) she keep look at me and wanna CRY~~~~~~ pity her...

Mummy Gwen said...

When she was around 6 months++, I don't recall she clinging to me like koala..haha..maybe our house was small back then and I only cook lunch or do housechores when she sleeps. It's a phase. It will pass, just bear with it.

I remembered Gwen used to stand outside the bathroom when I was taking a shower..haha. I never even close the door coz she would be banging on the door and calling for me...haha. That was when she was around 1 year old.

Sasha said...

hehe could this be a sign of something? Jayden was extremely manja to me when i was pregnant. :)

slavemom said...

I think this is a phase every child will go thru, jes difference in intensity n duration. Enjoy these koala bear moments as it won't last forever.

Wonderful Life said...

My Ryan still wail whenever I move away few steps or out of his sight... hehe.

Serene said...

Ya, your hubby is right. It's a phrase you have to go thru. Xixi also very very attach to me, if i leave her for a while she will start look for me already.. but kids have very short memory, let her cry a little then a while later she will forget already.

Ping said...

This happen to me last time but i forget in which month. But it just a process and soon later Jayden won't behave like that. As my girl now she go through this before when she baby time. Now she grow up and more steady know what mummy talking to her. Once i get up to do my stuff and she will continue playing with her toys without crying.

Esmeralda said...

Poor Jayden! He thought that his mummy is going away? Well, that's very true especially when we are 24/7 looking after our child. Ashton is also like that before, even when I left him at my mum's he will also cry and look for me. Got once me & hubby went to hv a body massage nearby my mum's place (luckily it was nearby), and my mum called me up saying that Ashton cried non-stop so she asked me to go back lor. The moment he saw me, he quickly stopped crying.. There goes my massage - I was just 5 mins into the massage then... Haha.. yup, we all have to go thru this journey whereby our child will stick to us like superglue, and I like your illustration that Jayden is your koala & you are his trunk.. Well... be patient and have fun too, coz when they grow up, they'll not going to stick to us like that already... *LOL*

Rachel said...

Oh..poor Jayden. He must be so worried when he does not see you. Perhaps u can try this...I have tried it with K when he was younger and it works. Play the hiding toy game; hide a toy under the blanket, say 'Teddy hide.' then show the teddy coming out the blanket, 'Teddy is back!'. This way he might be able to relate and deal better with separation anxiety.

LittleLamb said...

it never happened to me before.. normally if he cries, i just let him be. before i know it, he stops crying.

as u put it.. u n hubby will go through this phase together.. Jia You!

Merryn said...

he thinks u are an extension of him n when u dissapear, he cries.. he will get over it.. but before he does, make sure u n hubs are still sane! hehehehe.. :)

Fann said...

Can tell my kristie is a really good mama...Jayden is so lucky to have a sayang mama and papa...:)

Agnes Khoo said...

Sure your heart feel sweet when he hug u like that! That feeling is so wonderful ya!

Oliveoylz said...

I like the way u describe urself as the tree trunk, and Jayden, the koala...cute! Don't worry too much...it will pass...mine was super clingy too.

pictures4keep said...

enjOy the phase dear. trust me you'll miss it once it is over. cute lil darlin u have :)

little prince's mummy said...

It's really sweet when little one clings on mummy.. haha~~~

Yet, maybe can try let little jayden see more people... go outings more, he'll not tend to so sticky with mummy and keep on crying... Well, at least, u can do some little other thingy of yourself...

Wen said...

i wonder will i be a good mother should i have the chance next time.. omg.. must give it to u both!!!!!

James is lucky to have Kristie, Kristie is lucky to have James and Jayden is lucky to have u both!!

Kristie said...

mommy to chumsy- ya i always talk to him a i go away too.

joanne- wasn't sarah so manja to u too when she was younger?

Kristie said...

yugene- yup that sounds like separation anxiety!

mery- yup the clinginess is stronger cos we are with them 24/7... wow ryan will get to play with other kids at taska, so exciting! then mummy got more freedom already.

sha- yup i guess it because we are SAHM :)

nicole- ya for u now is 2nd time heheh... wah not bad ah, u can actually know why jacelyn is crying because u wear black baju? :)

Kristie said...

mummygwen- yup, i think it is natural for them to be like that... ya as long as gwen can see u it's not so bad!

sasha- PLS!!!

slavemom- ya true... maybe next time i will look back and miss this manja boy...

doreen- ryan is ur baobei... :)

serene- for jayden, he wont forget... he will cry non-stop!

Kristie said...

YP- yup i am sure jayden will get better when he grows bigger!

esmeralda- aiyoh what a pity, u and ur hubby supposed to have some romantic time together hehe... it's totally different when u have a child huh! :) ya the minute he kept hugging me like that, i felt like a tree trunk!

rachel- yup i played peek a boo with him too and he giggles all the time... thanks!

rachel- lucky u...

merryn- haha ya hopefully we wont go bonkers by then hahah

sy- thank u thank u, i am sure u will be a great mama too!

agnes khoo- i love it actually.. love his smell too... but not 24/7 lah... hahhaa

oliveoylz- guess most babies are like that haha...

pictures4keep- thanks!

peiwun- thanks for ur suggestions!

wen- i am VERY SURE u will be a great mum like sy!!! hahah i like what u said... so sweet.... :)

Stacey Lim said...

hello..haven't being reading your post for a long time.
Anyway, I finally know what that is call. My 2 little ones also went through this, even now occasionally they will be like that. *Faint*

Kristie said...

hi stacey! aiyoh... for me 1 child going through separation anxiety already tiring enough... u got 2 some more... jia you :)

Esmeralda said...

Yeah Kristie.. What to do... With a child around, it's quite difficult to have an "me" and "us" time most of the time... But I'm not having a slight hint of regret. Ashton is just a precious gift to us by God... :) and I believe you will say the same too.

Kristie said...

yes esmeralda, everytime i see jayden in his peaceful state and giggling self, i cant help but thank God for this precious miracle!

Adrine said...

Actually, it doesn't just happen to the primary caregiver cos Elyssa is going through the exact phase even tho she's with her grandparents when I'm working.

She cries really loudly and pitifully when I walk away. I must confess..... I've brought her to the loo with me b4!!

Kristie said...

ya adrine, i think they are really clingy only to their mummies!!!!

hahah i can imagine elyssa crying until so cham... jayden also the same... sometimes i am worried ppl think i am abusing him or what!

Sarah's Daddy and Mommy said...

I am trying to recall..wait ya...

I think last time Sarah seldom manja2 me with all those sweet pose, but now yes.

Kristie said...

joanne, i think now she is really attached to u as she knows who is who already.. and also because u are with her 24/7!

Sarah's Daddy and Mommy said...

Ya, now she more attached to me compared when she was a bb.