Saturday, October 25, 2008

SAHM or continue working?


sorry for the long disappearing act... have been busy at work, and when i am home, busy with jayden & my lovely hubby of cos, spending quality family time together...

some of u might know that before i delivered to my precious jayden, i was very sure i would be a SAHM (for those who dont know what it is, SAHM is stay-at-home-mum). when i finally went back to work after maternity leave, i found that getting out of the house for me was like a sudden burst of fresh air... no doubt the work slowly piled on, but i felt re-energised and renewed as a person. maybe staying at home for too long wasnt doing any good to me, i nearly suffocated i think... :)

so after going back to work for abt a week, i tendered my resignation... the funny thing is, after i tendered, i felt sad. cos i had many days of leave left, i tendered on a monday, and the next wed was my last day after clearing all my leave! i felt sad that after so long of staying at home, i get to get out on a different routine and lifestyle, i had to go back to being at home, cooped up again.

i started to think very seriously abt why i felt like that? and maybe it was God sent, my boss asked me if i could stay on another month to help out as they were really short handed with so many projects on hand. since i was still in a state of dilemma, i grabbed the opportunity and said yes. that is why i am still working now. i told myself, i will use this one month to think seriously if i want to continue working or quit for a year or two and look after jayden.

jayden, dont be angry or sad... it is not that mummy dont love u, i love u very much and that is why i am in this state of confusion!

i feel that when i am at home 24/7 with jayden, as much as i love him, i feel really suffocated, i just want to go out for some fresh air... no doubt he is a bundle of joy, no 2 ways abt that. when i start to get mang zhang towards the end of the day when my energy is drained out, i ask myself, do i want this kind of life?

although i get stressed at work, and also tired at the end of the day, i miss jayden at work so much and when i come home after a long day, when i see jayden, i feel instantly happy and stress-free! all my tiredness will just go away... when i come back from work, i will take over my duty as a mother, carry jayden and look after him the whole night and in the morning, pass on to my guardian to look after him again. i think overall this will make me a better mother and a happier person. i do not want to show my temper towards jayden just because i feel bored and suffocated at home, i dont think it is fair to jayden, and to me and of course to james.

now if i decide to continue working, my biggest worry is who to look after jayden? presently, i have my grandaunt who's helping me out and she is a great help... but I cant burden her to help me look after jayden on a long-term basis... hai... how? i am still thinking and looking around for help.
If i find someone suitable, it is very likely i will continue to work :)
This way, i can provide a better life for jayden, be a better mother and a wife to the 2 men in my life!


19 friends spoke up!:

nicole said...

Kristie
I understand what ur feeling... Now i very very "want to go out for some fresh air",
even how much i love Jessica, but i feel i stay at home like JAIL....
i think im not types of good SAHM, no patient, no good enough EQ...
Sometimes i feel stress...my life definetly change, no more freedom...

MeRy said...

Kristie ,I can fully understand ur feeling.Being a SAHM is not an easy task.Sometimes I do wish to have a fresh air for couple of hours after taking care Ryan 24/7. So u gotta ask urself, what kinda of life that u wan?? Stay at home & spend most of ur precious time with ur little one OR continue ur job,spend lesser time with ur little one?If u really can find a good nanny, no harm to continue with ur work as u like ur job too. At night n during weekend, U still can spend ur time with Little Jayden.

LittleLamb said...

If you ask me, IMHO, if you and hubs can afford it, I would suggest that you become a SAHM. Of course, you can still do some freelance work. I read from yr blog that you are a writer right? I hv some previous experience before and its always good for you or hubs (either one) to stay home cos these few yrs are so important in child upbringing.

The emos that you are going through is ok. as long u discuss with hubs or hv some close friends.

not necessary when u r SAHM u stay home most time..u can have play groups n do many things...

:) *hugs*

Sarah's Daddy and Mommy said...

Hehe, I understand your dilemma now.
Is ok Kristie..Maybe you just need to get a right bbsitter to take k Jayden, then you can go to work more fang xin.
I think it is normal nowadays to become working mommy.
Good luck!

Julie said...

You are so lucky to be able to choose in between staying at home and working. Do what you think you are happy with. Jayden will understand. I don't think he wants to see a mang zhang mommy.

Serene said...

Kristie, I have the same feeling as u when i first decided to tendered. But I have really no choice to do that, cos i can't found someone suitable to look after Xixi. So i have to sacrifice work.

If you really prefer working lifestyle then just go ahead! I personally think it is good for you and Jayden too =) Perhaps ask your grandaunt to continue to look after Jayden first while u try to look for a good bb sitter?

Wonderful Life said...

You're very lucky to have the choices to choose leh! **So envy!** :)

I wanted to spend more time with my Ryan after 2 months maternity. Felt reluctant to leave my baby at home and dragged myself to work.

Months have passed and I got used to it already. Get to spend time wt baby after work and also weekend. Just that sometimes I missed witnessing his 'first time' achievements. :(

Till now, I still wishing to tender resignation. But then, I don't think I can stand by staying at home 24/7 lor. I'll go crazy :P Perhaps, getting a helper at home would help much to relieve house chores, look after baby and get to spend me-me time for a couple of hours. Nevertheless, this won't happen to me la... just in my dream lah :(

little prince's mummy said...

Working or not, I'm sure Jayden still is the first priority!~ Whatever your choice is, I'm sure u're a great mummy...Anyhow, decision is still up to u... :)

Wen said...

i do understand.. putting myself in ur shoe i guess i will suffer the same as u.. poor K... either way there's pros and cons.. really a tough decision man...

i seriously dun know what is the perfect solution here... but i guess be it which one, as long as u r determine to do it, u can make it. i support u in any case. :-)

piggie piglet chickie said...

kristie.. when u working,u wil feel that u dun wan to work, better stay at home to take care ur son, but when u r into the style of life -sahm, mayb u will feel regret.. u will think to work rather than jus take care ur son @ home..
what is ur hubby's opinion?
nanny , u can find a good 1.. need time..
do think carefully .. whether to work as SAHM or working & take care jayden @ night..

for me, if i take care edward whole day. i will felt crazy..

FAMILY FIRST said...

Dont feel guilty about going back to work cos we all need a good balance in life. Try to get the lil one a good babysitter or a nanny and Im sure he will be loved by them as well. Take care.

mumsgather said...

I can see that you feel guilty about wanting to go back to work but you obviously feel that it is better for you overall. I think if you can find good childcare, you should follow your instincts and lose that guilt for your child will then benefit from being with a happier mum. How does your hubby feel in this decision? I feel that whether you return to work or otherwise will have to be a joint decision or you will face many conflicts. Going back to work or staying at home should be a joint family decision for the best of everyone. All the best to you in whatever you decide.

YeE LiNg said...

Hi Kristie,
For me,i have 2 children to tk care which super duber tiring after off from work..but i found it's worth it...bcos i m those person that cannot become a SAHM else i will go insane..hahah..working is one of the way for me to get some own spaces and peace..hahahah..i wont feel so left out from the community if i m working..hahaha..
anyway, hope u will be able to choose a wise decision soon..Cheers!!

Ping said...

I understand your feeling now. It's not easy become SHAM. Since i working now and i take care my girl at nite during weekday,and full day during weekend it's really tiring n i feel mang zhang and in the end i beat n scold up Natalie. Pity girl! So i sure im not a patient mummy that why i choose to work. Working only i can have a fresh air and relax.

When reach home it's time busy with my family so you say we have any freedom?

But anyway you think carefully if you decide to continue work then you can look for a good babysister to look after Jayden then you only feel 'lega' to go to work.

Wish you all the best.

Steph said...

Hi Kristie,

Wow, looks like you have a bundle of friends out there to share and care which includes me.

We all have the same sentiments. You are not alone.

There are few factors why we women choose to become a SAHM or FTWM.

1) Financial
2) Personality
3) Happiness
4) Life

All this must have a 'tick' then only you can consider be a SAHM. Or else my advice is to hang on as FTWM at the moment. And that does not differentiate a GOOD or NO GOOD Mummy. As both is not an easy task tho.

It's all depends how you handle and weigh the 4 factors.

Kristie said...

wow... guess what... i typed the comments to reply to each and every one of u and i accidentally closed the browser, how blur can i be??? arrggghhhhhhhhh....

anyway forgive me for not replying individually to each of u now, jayden will be calling out anytime soon...

thanks all mummies for ur support and invaluable advice, much appreciated!

while i read all ur comments, most of u also faced the same dilemma as me, but i am sure all is well, and ur kids are doind well too :)

muaks and remember we are all great mummies!!!

Esmeralda said...

Kristie, we as mothers always hv the most difficult decision to make.. Work/SAH??? I've been pondering about this for almost 1 1/2 yrs now... Haha.. and am still a happy SAHM. What matters most is how you can provide a good growing up environment for lil' Jayden, whether it's thru providing more financially, or by being there physically.. Have a talk with hubby and then, you decide.. All the best!

christine said...

yay! you're back.... thank you for leaving encouraging comments on my blog. like you, i do wonder whether i could be a SAHM. until now, i'm not sure. hubby did ask me to be a SAHM when we're more financially stable but i still prefer to earn my own $$$ because it gives me independence and freedom. going to work also allows me to have my own set of people whom i could talk to without having to always deal with "baby". yes, i love lyan fung with all my heart but he's quite a demanding baby and always testing my patience. so, i think for the mean time, i'm just gonna continue working. but, do what you must and what your heart tells you. the decision is only right at the moment you make it. remember that. this may not mean anything to you now but you will know what it meant when you've finally decided.

Kristie said...

esmeralda- thanks so much for ur very inspiring advice, i am glad u are a happy SAHM with ashton!

christine- yup i am back :) yes i understand how u feel too... but unlike u, my mum is still working and cant look after jayden... mil is not around anymore... that is why i am in this dilemma!!!